Lip Smacking Bomb Ass Ninja Salad

Life has been pretty rad. Yep, rad.

However, all the rad-ness has found me face down in the Whole Foods salad bar one too many times as of late. I have a rather difficult time trying to justify the cost for food that would be so easy to prepare.

There is this one delectable dish that I always cover the bottom of my horrid aqua colored bowl with. I honestly crave this heartily salad but have a hard time digesting the name: DETOX SALAD.

Why oh why do people feel the need to use words like detox, diet, guilt-free when naming food? Now, I understand I am guilty of doing the same thing in the past. (Actually, there may be some of those recipes listed on this very website…time to edit.)

Why it irks me so is the idea that food can’t just be deliciously appealing and full of flavor for our salivating mouth to indulge in. It has to prove itself in the name of diet, health and deprivation. Not cool in my book.

It seems that we don’t need any more help making food scary, confusing, devilish and lack luster. What we actually need help with is getting exciting to eat food because it is savory, delicious, energizes our body and fuels our soul. Hell yeah to that eating mind frame.

So, I decided to create a spin-off of my favorite “detox salad” by upgrading the s#!t out of it and give it the most ridiculous amped up name it deserves.

I am also hesitating to tell you how kick ass this is for you but you know that. So I will spare you all the “probiotic, chelating, protein, healthy fat, body banging” details that you can just assume you get from the recipes I share.



1 head of cauliflower
1 head of broccoli
1/2 bunch of parsley
6 big carrots shredded
1 cup raw sunflower seeds
1 cup raisins
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 tsp sea salt
1 cup Bubbie’s Sauerkraut
Kelp Flakes
Coarse Black Pepper to taste


1. Finely chop broccoli, cauliflower and parsley. Place in a large serving bowl.
2. Add in shredded carrots, apple cider vinegar and sea salt.
3. Using clean hands, massage the ingredients together until it becomes wet.
4. Add in Bubbie’s Sauerkraut, sunflower seeds, raisins and black pepper.
5. Toss with salad tongs and serve.

– Keep salad in refrigerator for up to 4 days.
– Top with fresh sheep feta or goat cheese crumbles right before serving.
– Serve with sliced avocado or raw tahini dressing.

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